We love our families, but we don’t always like what they do…

As some of you may know by now, my uncle attempted suicide Thursday night. High on drugs, he argued with his wife, who left their home to bring my grandmother to “talk to him.” By the time they got back, he had fired a pistol into the side of his face. Two days and some surgery later, he is stable and remains in the hospital. The range of the long-term physical consequences remains to be seen.

The emotional and mental toll this has taken on my family has, however, started to show. My grandmother is obviously upset and uncertain. The rest of the family is experiencing a range of thoughts and emotions: We’re tired, and we’re angry that he could do this. We’re distraught that someone we love is so injured, and we’re numb. We are letting the doctors take care of my uncle, and we’re stepping up to take care of each other.

My uncle has been an addict for a very long time. He’s been in and out of treatment several times. Unfortunately, there is no cure for addiction; it must be continually dealt with through treatment, abstinence, and discipline. Unfortunately for many, not everybody wins the fight. Even while lying in a hospital bed, the fight continues.

What has been reassuring, though, is that we’ve been talking about it. Most of my family has been very frank about the facts here: my uncle shot himself, this wasn’t an accident, and his addiction is very much a cause.

I have personally decided to continue to be open with myself and others about what happened. We are okay talking about drug addiction and suicide when it’s a societal problem; when it’s a member of the family, we whisper about their ‘problem’ or their ‘illness.’ Somehow it makes us feel better – like it didn’t happen. The thing is, though, if our problems never happen, we never figure out how to solve them.

Maggie, my parents, and myself have been talking through all of this as well. I would leave you with some of the questions we’ve discussed.

- Why is there such a stigma surrounding mental health care? When someone has cancer, we surround them with care and talk about it openly. When someone is depressed or diagnosed with a mental illness, we get nervous, and frequently whisper about their “problems.” We view cancer as something that happened TO us, and treat mental illness as something we DID.
- How would Jesus approach tough love? How would he differentiate between enabling and caring?
- Jesus told us to love each other unconditionally. Can we, as Christians, ever say “Enough” and walk away from someone who obviously needs help?
- When, if ever, is it okay to let someone stop living, if that’s what they choose to do?
- How do we as younger people deal with the dichotomy of being angry with our elders, while recognizing that they are our elders and should "know better"?